he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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