I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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