Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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