Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
