Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
