Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
