I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
