okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
