We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
