i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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