I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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