what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
