dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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