i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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