Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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