does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
