you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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