ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Who died my cat blue again?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
