I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
