did you get engaged???
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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