I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
