maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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