i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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