idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
