what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
