i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
