I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
