i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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