i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
