I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
