She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
