Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
