Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
