Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
