she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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