My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
