i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
