i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
