why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
