I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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