It's like God shit irony all over that family
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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