12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
