oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
