I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
