why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
