pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
