the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
