I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Please, let me fuck your mom
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
