evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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