Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
