nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
