I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
