There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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