Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
