I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just want nice things and good sex
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
